Machete Kills (2013)

MACHETE KILLS  (2013)  ¢ ¢ ¢
    D: Robert Rodriguez
    Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez,
    Alexa Vega, Demian Bechir, Amber Heard,
    Charlie Sheen, Antonio Banderas, Sofia Vergara,
    Lady Gaga, Vanessa Hudgens, Cuba Gooding Jr.
Machete's back, and Machete still don't text. Well, maybe, just a little. What Machete does mostly is glower a lot while separating people from their heads in various creative ways. (Helicopter blades are useful for this purpose. You'll see.) Danny Trejo again plays the lethal, implacable Machete. The nutball villain is Mel Gibson, looking more energized than he has in years. Michelle Rodriguez drops in again as Luz (aka "She"), a cyclopic killing machine who could just about match Machete for gut-spilling, blood-spewing expertise. The storytelling's sloppy. The violence is absurd. It's pure exploitation - mean, funny, gory and inexcusable - just what a great drive-in movie should be. It ends with a promise that Machete will kill again (in space!). Fair enough, and you can count me in. But after that, how about a vehicle showcasing Michelle Rodriguez? She's hot, she's tough, she's apparently unkillable, and she makes those form-fitting commando outfits she wears look real good. Think about it. Not even Machete can compete with that.