Noah (2014)

NOAH  (2014)  ¢ ¢ ¢
    D: Darren Aranofsky
    Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Ray Winstone,
    Anthony Hopkins, Emma Watson, Logan Lerman,
    Douglas Booth, Leo McHugh Carroll, Madison Davenport
Darren Aranofsky reimagines the Old Testament story, with surly, burly Russell Crowe as the guy who got all those animals on that great big boat.  It's been a few years since I read Genesis, so I'm not sure about stuff like the fallen angels in the form of these rumbling giant rock monsters who help build the ark and fight off the marauding descendants of Cain. The sinners don't look like they're having much fun, either. They look like they're already in hell. So what's the point of sinning then? And what difference would it make? Where's Cecil B. DeMille when you really need him? That guy knew how to make sin look good. The effects do look good, and Aronofsky deftly solves the problem of how Noah got all the beasts of the world to share space in the ark without eating each other. Then the rain comes and the water rises and everybody except the Noah family and their oceangoing menagerie dies. Noah goes bonkers eventually. That'll happen sometimes, when you're dedicated to your work and your boss is both God and a remote-control psychopath. Bad crazyness really takes over when Noah becomes convinced that the Big Guy wants him to kill his own grandchildren. Jennifer Connelly, looking a little too fashionably thin, plays Mrs. Noah. Ray Winstone chews it up as the leader of Cain's army. Anthony Hopkins cackles away as Methuselah, Noah's grandfather, who makes an interesting cup of tea and has a particular fondness for berries. (Maybe that's what he puts in the tea.) The narrative holds up for the first 90 minutes or so. It goes over the rail about when Noah does, and the film never really recovers, but it still has some powerful moments, the Icelandic locations look stunning, and wait till you hear who's singing the lullaby over the closing credits.